Single and Thriving: Self-Care and Mental Health tips for Valentine's Day
February, as we all know, is the month of love. Stores start bringing out holiday decorations and BOGO deals on chocolate and flowers. This is a holiday which you either love or you hate. When the topic of Valentine’s Day comes up, one of the most common questions concerns a spouse or a significant other. However, we all must acknowledge that maybe not everyone is in a relationship, and that’s okay! There are many ways for you to celebrate holidays without a partner, and there are also many ways to set your boundaries when asked about relationships. Keep reading below to learn more!
Valentine's Day can be a joyful celebration filled with love and connection, but it can also be a challenging time for those without a partner. It's important to recognize that not everyone is in a romantic relationship, and this holiday can highlight feelings of loneliness or isolation for some individuals. However, Valentine's Day can also be an opportunity to celebrate all forms of love, including self-love and the love of friends and family. It's a reminder that love takes many shapes and can be found in various relationships and connections, not just romantic ones. Recognizing and honoring this diversity of love can help create a more inclusive and compassionate Valentine's Day for everyone, regardless of their relationship status.
However, setting boundaries and dealing with uncomfortable questions about relationship status can be part of this holiday as well. So, we have 5 sentences anyone can use to set boundaries and protect your personal space.
5 sentences to use to establish boundaries when asked about relationships:
Setting boundaries does not always have to be a hard thing, nor should it always be harsh. There are ways to draw the line in a respectful manner
“I appreciate your curiosity, but I would like to keep those details private”
“I’m putting my needs first, and you won’t/can't make me feel guilty about that”
“I am an adult, and I feel as though I am more capable of making my own decisions”
“I am feeling overwhelmed with this conversation and would like it if you didn't bring this topic up again”
“I want to put my needs first now, and I’m confident in my decisions.”
BONUS* 6. “My reasons are personal, and I don’t have to explain them to you.”
Inspired by: https://www.prdaily.com/59-phrases-to-help-you-set-boundaries/
Staying Single & Mental Health:
Being single can affect a variety of people and their Mental Health, but this also depends on the individual’s personality and how they feel about relationships as a whole. Some effects on one’s Mental Health can be:
This can affect one self-esteem. A person may feel as if they aren’t good enough because they’re not in a relationship. Some messages of singleness can be internalized into feeling inadequate.
Feelings of Loneliness - This may also result in self-isolation, which can worsen one’s mental health because it may even lead to anxiety as well as depression.
Self-sabotage - Sometimes, when a person is single for a long time, it takes them a while to get comfortable in new relationships which can lead to them hurting the relationship. This can be either romantic or platonic.
If you are struggling with Mental Health, here are some numbers to call if you are seeking support:
Suicide and Crisis lifeline number: 988
You may call NYC-WELL (1-888-NYC-WELL) for free and confidential counseling, crisis intervention, information, and referral services if you are in NY.
Blackline (1-800-604-5841) provides a space for peer support, counseling, witnessing, and affirming the lived experiences of folks most impacted by systematic oppression with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens.
5 Simple Ways to Practice Self-love
Self-love is a foundational aspect of mental and emotional well-being. Creating a solid foundation with ourselves can create meaningful connections with others, pursue our passions with confidence, and live authentically as our truest selves.
*For those who are ready to be in a relationship, here are some tips that might be beneficial for you to take into account as well
Practice visualization! Try to visualize what you want in your life. Visualization can be really helpful in terms of seeking motivation and gaining confidence in all aspects of life
Example: start by writing down things you might want in a partner. What are your morals and values? Write down things you like about yourself and what you want your future partner to add to your relationship.
Do something that genuinely makes you happy: Whether this is retail therapy, an activity of some sort, or listening to music, do what you feel would make your mood better. Nobody knows you like you do!
Get active! Moving your body can help you take your mind off things and improve your mood. You can start by going outside into nature and taking a walk. You can reflect on anything during this time or let your mind wander.
Treat yourself. Why wait for someone to do or give you something you’ve wanted when you can do it yourself? Treat yourself to a nice meal, buy something you’ve wanted for a long time, get a massage, etc…
Lastly, be nice to yourself. It doesn't help if you're always speaking negatively about yourself. Try saying some positive affirmations out loud or even write them down. The more you say or write it, the more you believe it. Show yourself some grace :)
If you want to prioritize self-care this year and improve your mental health, here's a free guide you can download below.
Conclusion
Another thing to remember about this holiday is that there is no right or wrong way to celebrate. Although the media puts out a lot of propaganda about the shoulds and shouldn't of Valentine’s Day, there are no clear-cut rules! Valentine’s Day could mean spending time with your loved ones, such as family and friends, and getting them something if you’d like. It doesn't always have to mean romantic relationships! If you have many platonic relationships, feel free to celebrate! Or if you don't have anyone, you can even take this time to pamper yourself and relax. Turn it into a self-care day by all means. There is nothing wrong with being alone. All this is to say you should not feel guilty this month if you're not in a romantic relationship, and you should feel okay setting your boundaries when it comes to that.
Resources
http://www.activeminds.org/blog/practicing-self-love-this-valentines-day/
Search our Content or Services
Author Alice Mills Mai is the Director of Centering Wholeness Counseling. A Licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York and Ohio and a National Certified Counselor (NCC).
Learn more about Alice on LinkedIn
